Teaching Your Child to Tie Their Shoes

For many children, learning to tie shoes is more than just a fine motor skill it’s a developmental milestone tied to independence, self-esteem, and daily success. For children on the autism spectrum or with coordination difficulties, this task can feel especially challenging.

But with the right support, tools, and mindset, your child can learn to tie their shoes and feel proud doing it.

Why Shoe Tying Is an Important Life Skill

Shoe tying isn’t only about function. It helps your child:

• Strengthen fine motor control

• Build hand-eye coordination

• Practice task sequencing

• Improve focus and patience

• Develop a sense of independence and accomplishment

For neurodivergent children, these small wins build big confidence over time.

Start with Readiness Skills

Before diving into tying, make sure your child can:

• Pull on and remove shoes

• Understand left versus right

• Use both hands together (bilateral coordination)

• Pinch, pull, and hold small items

• Follow 2–3 step directions

If these skills are still developing, start with pre-shoe tying activities like beading, lacing cards, using tongs, and play-based hand strengthening exercises.

Choose the Right Shoe and Laces

The right setup can make all the difference. Try the following:

• Use sturdy shoes with a wide opening and firm sides

• Try two-color laces (for example, one lace red and one blue) to help with visual tracking

• Use longer laces so your child has more slack while learning

• Consider elastic or adaptive laces to reduce frustration during practice

Teach With Visuals and Modeling

Many children, especially those on the spectrum, benefit from visual supports and repetition. You can use:

• Step-by-step picture guides

• First/Then cards

• Demonstrations with slow, clear modeling

• Side-by-side mirror practice

Consistency and routine are key. Keep instructions clear and verbalize what you’re doing as you demonstrate each step.

There’s More Than One Way to Tie a Shoe

There is no one “right” way to tie shoes. The best method is the one your child understands and can do consistently. Here are three options:

Bunny Ears Method

• Cross and pull the laces tight

• Make two loops (“ears”)

• Cross the loops and pull one through the middle

• Tighten the bow

This is a great beginner method and works well for visual learners.

Loop, Swoop, and Pull (Standard Method)

• Make a knot

• Form one loop

• Wrap the other lace around the loop

• Pull it through the hole

• Tighten the bow

This method is often taught in schools and works for kids who understand sequencing.

Ian Knot (Used by Occupational Therapists)

Known as the “World’s Fastest Shoelace Knot,” this method involves creating two loops simultaneously and pulling them through in one motion. It is efficient and symmetrical, making it ideal for children who are easily frustrated or who need a quicker, smoother option.

Many occupational therapists recommend the Ian Knot for kids with motor planning difficulties or low frustration tolerance. You can find slowed-down video demonstrations online or practice it with hand-over-hand support.

Teaching Strategies That Help

• Make shoe tying part of your child’s daily routine.

• Keep practice short about 3 to 5 minutes and do it consistently.

• Use a rhyme or song to help your child remember the steps.

• Break the task down using backward chaining. Start by completing the task for your child, then gradually allow them to do the final step, then the last two steps, and so on.

• Reinforce effort, not just success. Praise small improvements like “You made a great loop today” or “You remembered to cross the laces.”

  
  

Support Sensory and Emotional Needs

Some children may avoid or resist shoe tying because of sensory sensitivities or emotional frustration. To help:

• Warm up hands with squeezing activities or finger stretches

• Use calming background music or a quiet environment

• Offer a supportive seat and minimal distractions

• Give your child time and space to process each step

• Use visual timers or charts to set expectations

Alternatives While Learning

While your child is practicing, you can use:

• Velcro shoes or shoes with zippers

• Elastic no-tie laces

• Pre-tied bows for school settings

• Confidence scripts for asking an adult for help

Accommodations aren’t a substitute for learning they are supports that reduce stress while your child builds their skills.

Final Thoughts for Parents

Learning to tie shoes can take time and that’s okay. Every child learns at their own pace. Some may master it at five years old, while others may need more support into their later school years. What matters most is consistency, encouragement, and celebrating the progress your child is making.

This skill may seem small, but it represents something much bigger: independence, resilience, and pride in doing something for themselves. Keep showing up. Keep modeling. Keep celebrating every effort.

You’re not just teaching your child how to tie their shoes you’re helping them take an important step forward in life.

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